(The Hit Hammer is where I'm reviewing each #1 song on the Billboard Hot 100. Starting from when the chart started in 1958 and eventually working my way to the present. To see my inspiration and more information about this blog, please CLICK HERE)
Ringo Starr - "You're Sixteen"
Hit Number 1: January 26, 1974
Stay at Number 1: 1 Week
Ringo Starr was the "funny Beatle." I think we all know that. This "funny" trait led to an interesting music career, during and after his Beatles career. For instance, his biggest contribution to the Beatles was the goofy, child-like song "Yellow Submarine", which somehow made it to #2 on the U.S. charts. (It's a 5. Only the Beatles could take something like this so high on the charts) Even though his Beatles contribution is hard to understand, Starr was an underappreciated member of the band. I can only imagine that his sense of humor kept the guys together, and his drum skills are still pretty impressive. What was his solo career going to bring though, was the question. It was about as up-and-down as a music career could get. Starr was capable of making some pretty damn good songs like "It Don't Come Easy", which made it to #4 in 1971. (It's an 8) But, he also let his mediocre side that helped produce "Yellow Submarine" take over on occasion. Unfortunately, that's what happened on "You're Sixteen", which is probably Starr's biggest hit.
"You're Sixteen", contrary to popular belief, is not a song Starr recorded first. In fact, he didn't even write the song. "You're Sixteen" was a song written by the Sherman Brothers, and recorded by Johnny Burnette. Apparently, Burnette's version was actually a pretty big hit, as it peaked at #8 on the Hot 100 in 1960. (It's a 5) I honestly didn't know before covering the song today that Starr wasn't the original artist, but it makes sense. There were so many songs from the late '50s and early '60s that were obsessed with 16-year-old girls. That was like the golden age back then I guess. The song is about a guy who is in love with his 16-year-old girlfriend, and he recalls the night they met and the good times they have. Burnette's version is nothing special, and it blends into everything else that was in its time. However Starr's version is proof that some of these songs should just remain in the early '60s.
We're reaching that point in the Hit Hammer where there was a sudden surge of '60s nostalgia. So much so, that artists like Neil Sedaka and Frankie Valli would have random and brief comebacks on the charts. There would also be a few covers of old songs that would hit #1 on the charts, and that all begins with "You're Sixteen". Some of these covers are decent, and I'm more partial to some of the '70s remakes of them, but I personally think Starr should have just passed on "You're Sixteen". The cheesy '70s production does no favors for the song, and it turns it into cringe, bubble gummy mediocrity. But the worst part is what sounds like a damn kazoo solo. I'm not even kidding, there's a freaking kazoo on the song. It should be a proven fact that there is no good song that has a kazoo in it. It sounds like a bunch of intoxicated dudes feeling nostalgic about the '60s and they recorded this thing. With that being said, it's Ringo Starr, and you get a little bit of that fun "peace and love" magic on the track that somewhat saves it from the depths of hell, but his version of "You're Sixteen" still sucks, I'm sorry to say.
Despite my pretty clear distaste of his second #1 hit, this is still a pretty sad point in the Hit Hammer, since Starr is the first Beatle we will forever say goodbye to. "You're Sixteen" is the final #1 hit in his music career. I think the only thing that sucks more than the song is that fact alone. We'll try to remember him from "Photograph" instead.
GRADE: 3/10
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