(The Hit Hammer is where I'm reviewing each #1 song on the Billboard Hot 100. Starting from when the chart started in 1958 and eventually working my way to the present. To see my inspiration and more information about this blog, please CLICK HERE)
Donny Osmond - "Go Away Little Girl"
Hit Number 1: September 11, 1971
Stay at Number 1: 3 Weeks
In 1963, Steve Lawrence's dreadful song "Go Away Little Girl" topped the Hot 100. To give a brief summary, he sounded like a creepy old man singing about an underage girl. Not to mention his version was extremely dull and unexciting. In the early '70s, the Osmonds were a suddenly popular band that couldn't miss. They did a lot of covers of old songs from the '50s and '60s, and though the Osmonds' lone #1 "One Bad Apple" was an exception to that, they still found themselves in the top ten with those songs pretty often. The "star" of the Osmonds, however, was 13-year-old Donny, a fellow toothy Osmond kid who liked to show off his voice a lot. He decided to make a cover of Lawrence's song, and somehow was able to bring that crap to the top of the charts again.
When "Go Away Little Girl" hit the #1 spot again, it created a piece of interesting trivia. It's something that's only happened eight other times in the history of the Hot 100. This is the first case of a song being #1 twice, by two different artists. Unfortunately it was with a song that wasn't very good in the first place. Osmond almost didn't even record the song, because it was Mormon belief that you could not double-date until you were 16, and you couldn't even date alone until you were 18. With Osmond only being 13 at the time the song was recorded, the context of the song went against his family's beliefs. But since it's only a song, and just because he's singing it doesn't mean he's doing the crap in the song, he went ahead and recorded it.
So yes, just like the Lawrence original, I think the Osmond version is pretty bad too. At least his 13-year-old self doesn't sound creepy like Lawrence, and he turns the song into something more innocent. But it's too innocent, and there's really nothing anyone could have done to "Go Away Little Girl" to turn it into a good song. It's just a bad song. Osmond's version sounds like a schmaltzy '70s children's cartoon. Osmond reaches for big notes, and technically he does hit them, but it sounds like a squeal. It's like someone punched him in the nuts and he belted out "You're much too hard to resist!" When you hear people talk about how corny some of the '70s music was, they're talking about this crap. It's too sweet for its own good. But hey, at least Osmond doesn't sound like a 40-year-old man hiding in the shadows in a public place, spying on young girls. Seriously Steve Lawrence, what the hell was that, man.
Anyway as for Osmond, no one really cares about him anymore, and this was the last #1 song by him or the other Osmonds. I think he was on The Masked Singer one time, and we all know that's where a bunch of has-beens go. (I'd also like to state here that The Masked Singer is a terrible show) This guy was the definition of a teen idol who grew up into obscurity. He's basically the singer version of Macauley Culkin. His sister Marie, on the other hand, is probably even more famous now than she was in the '70s. Really she's the only Osmond that's even still relevant in today's society. At least now, unless some serious bull crap goes down, I can safely say "Go away 'Go Away Little Girl'". Good riddance.
GRADE: 3/10
JUST MISSED:
Aretha Franklin's funky take on the Ben E. King original "Spanish Harlem" peaked at #2 behind "Go Away Little Girl". It's pretty good, but I prefer King's version. Franklin's version is a 7.
(Aretha Franklin will show up in this blog again)
10 ALERT!!!:
Bill Withers' too short, but iconic soul staple "Ain't No Sunshine" peaked at #3 behind "Go Away Little Girl". I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know it's a 10.
(Bill Withers will eventually appear in this blog)
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